DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN MARRIAGE.

What’s the difference between normal conflict and domestic violence? Conflict is part of every intimate relationship–that’s why conflict resolution skills are important. Domestic violence, however, has no place in a healthy relationship, whether the couple is dating, engaged, married or cohabiting.

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is any kind of behavior that a person uses, or threatens to use, to control an intimate partner. The two key elements are threat and control. Domestic violence can take various forms:

Physical – Violent actions such as hitting, beating, pushing, and kicking. In many cases physical abuse becomes more frequent and severe over time.

Sexual – Includes any sexual acts that are forced on one partner by the other

Psychological – Includes a wide range of behaviors such as intimidation, isolating the victim from friends and family, controlling where the victim goes, making the victim feel guilty or crazy, and making unreasonable demands

Emotional – Undermining an individual’s self-esteem, constant criticism, insults, put-downs, and name-calling

Economic – Examples include limiting the victim’s access to family income, preventing the victim from working or forcing the victim to work, destroying the victim’s property, and making all the financial decisions

Characteristics of victims

• Female, although men can also experience domestic violence
• Younger, often in their 20’s and 30’s
• More likely to be dating or cohabiting than married
• Nearly half live in households with children

Why do women stay?

Women often stay with their abusers because of fear. They are afraid that the abuser will become more violent if they try to leave. Some fear that they will lose their children. Many believe that they cannot make it on their own.

Some abused women believe that the abuse is their fault. They think that they can stop the abuse if they just act differently. Some cannot admit that they are abused women. Others feel pressured to stay in the relationship. They may feel cut off from social support and resources. Abused women often feel that they are alone, and have no where to turn for help.

Why do men batter?

Abusive men come from all walks of life. They may be successful in their career and respected in their church and community. Abusive men often share some common characteristics. They tend to be jealous, possessive and easily angered.

Many abusive men believe that women are inferior. They believe that men are meant to dominate and control women.

Typically, abusive men deny that the abuse is happening or they minimize it. They may blame their partner for the abuse, saying, “You made me do this.”

Alcohol and drugs are often associated with domestic violence but they do not cause it. An abusive man who drinks or uses drugs has two different problems: substance abuse and violence. Both must be treated.